Monday, May 29, 2006

Childish Bullshit...

shit. shit. shit. patience is a virtue.
tap. tap. tap. a virtue...
buzz. buzz. buzz. that I don't have.
gotta breath...gotta breath.

Secret: Another Chance?
Jealous Jessamyn

It's not as bad as I make it out to be.
I just want to do my best...
Don't condemn me for trying.

Friday, May 26, 2006

My Turn...

I'm certain if I fall in love
I'm lost without a trace...
But it's worth it for that face.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Good-Bye En Masse...

I realise there is still a few weeks of school left, but I figured I might as well post this now. So here we go, in no particular order...

Asay- You're a very nice guy. I have enjoyed getting to know you and being able to hang out with you these past two years. (wow this kind of sounds like a eulogy) I'll admit there have been times where I've just wanted to throw you up against a wall and smack you around because you were being annoying, but then I remember how annoying I am, and that you have probably had the same urge from time to time... annnnways. Just... thank you for making me laugh, and giving me a shoulder to lean on when I needed it. You've been a good friend.

Cameron- You don't read my blog, so you'll probably never read this. But I'm going to do it anyway. Here's some advice: It sucks being a Park Bench in a crowded place sometimes... people are going to use you and sit on you, birds are going to crap on you, and smelly bums will most likely end up using you as a bed; however, with every defecating bird, and vandal there will always be those who will be grateful for a place of peace and quiet to turn to during their own troubled times. (now for the cliche moment) Thanks for being my Park Bench (pun completely intended... by the by) ;)

Tasha- Good times, great memories. You have been permanently, and violently branded into my memory... that's a good thing. You've taught me how to be brave and showed me how to be spontaneous. You've also showed me the imprtance of trust, and how easily one can place trust in the wrong person. I'm sorry if I've ever violated your trust, believe me it was unintentional. You've been one of the best-friends I've every had. And even if we don't see each other ever again I'll always remember you (seriously, how could I ever forget?) and consider you a friend, just remember to just continually love PEOPLE man! I know that both you and Chase wanted Emily to be President, and I'm fine with that, but I won't let you down. I promise. And I never say anything that I don't mean. :D

Cathy- I'm not going to pretend that I'm not jealous of you... You're AMAZING. You are seriously the strongest person I've ever met (figuratively and literally). I'm also not going to pretend that we were close buddies. We never really got to hang out much, and never really had the time to get to know eachother as well as I would have liked which is a total shame, but regardless, you've always been a role model of sorts for me to look up to through high school. You're beautiful! And you know what... thank you for being nice to me. I wish we could have known each other for longer, and hey shakespeare competition next year at eh?

Sousa- "Photo-Op! *Fuhkink!*" We're cool. (hahaha! Wouldn't that be sad if that was the only thing I wrote to you?) You've helped me through A LOT of shit man.("Caramel?"), as well as prevent me from doing things that were really really stupid, you've also been, almost literally, the only person who has never abandoned me, as well as understand me when no one else could. And I appreciate all that more than anything you could possibly imagine. The great thing about you is you're a born leader and you know it, and you're never afraid to state your opinion and that's awesome I have no doubt that you are going to grow up to be great... Never stop fighting the fight, right?

Mette- All I have to say to you is this- You are waaaayy to hard on yourself. You try so hard to please everyone that sometimes you forget to make yourself happy. You are kick-ass and you've been a good friend to me, and I've taken you for granted. We've had some good times right? I'll never forget the food-fest that I had at your house when I decided to take my emotions out on my body... oh man. Or the time at Thespian Conference when we all fell asleep on those benches and woke up to like 4 black guys!! hahaha. You're cute. Remember that you can't make people happy. All you can do is offer them the option, but in the's their choice. :D

Christopher- You know what I love about you? You are just...such a genuinely nice guy, and just so easily pleased. There's just something about making you smile that just makes everyone around you happy. I'm sorry that I can't really say anything else to you so I can't really make this 'good-bye' last seven lines. Continue being Chris and everyone will love you. And by the way. I fucking loved your one act. It was brilliant! I'm going to miss you.

Ben- You make Emily happy, for that I respect you, because I'm very protective of my friends. You are...well like my favorite person. hahaha!! I think the biggest reason why I'm going to miss you is because you are just... cool. hahaha. I really don't know how to explain it, but I'm going to miss you. You're just great...and you're the only other lefty in the drama Department! WOOOO yay for lefties! :D

Chase- There's a fine line between love and hate... you've straddled it many times. I want you to be happy, but I can't make you... like I told Mette; It's your choice. I wish that circumstances had been different with us. I wish that I hadn't "tapped out", and I almost wish that I had just left things the way they were... me just having a crush on you and you being completely oblivious to it... because I miss our friendship when it was like that. But if wishes were fishes the world would be a slimy mess... and, I never would have been able to have the experience of being a "Henager" with you. Even though I got hurt... It was worth it. I learned a lot. This is going to sound very trite and cliche but, I'll never be able to forget you. I wish you nothing but happiness, and as you go through life just know that there is always going to be someone out there who will love you unconditionally for everything you are (flaws, faults and all). Just... don't be afraid to let yourself be happy.

I'd love to keep in touch with all of you, but I know that probably won't happen in most cases. I wish you all happiness and success in life, if I never see you again. I'll always be here... waiting, and ready to be there whenever you need me. :D

Friday, May 19, 2006

...Oh, Really...?

I hate you...I'm very very angry at you. That was low, and extremely child-ish. You're a bastard. I can't believe that you would say those things behind my back. To people that I love no less. YOU AREN'T EVEN GOING TO BE HERE NEXT YEAR!! So why the hell are you trying to sabotage it?

Well you know what? I'm glad that you think I'm going to fail at this...I'm glad that you think that next year is going to suck because of me. I'm glad Why? Because you just gave me a reason to hate you. You proved me right, You never really knew me after-all. And now I get to prove you wrong.

Just see...

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I Warned Her...It Was Me...

You're dangerous.
You manipulate, and control...

The scary thing: You know what you're doing.
YET, you refuse to change.
You don't know any different.
So I don't blame you for that.

It's that you refuse to change.
Even though you know there is better.
Even though you know you can.
You're not as strong as I thought you were.

I never thought I'd say it, but...
You're dangerous.
just like me.

I Warned Her...It Was Me...

Thursday, May 04, 2006

"You see, it's like this..."

You'll never know.

It's a shame that, "I went there just to see you."
You have to let me go.

Let's ruin your day because you ruined my joke!

My hands are shaking. My voice is small.
My stomach is doing flip flops into my throat. dance. dance.
My heart is pounding. My body is frozen.
I can't seem to make myself breath evenly. swing. swing.
Toungue tied nausea. Searching the crowd for your
Face. I'm falling apart
Hair...GUILT dance.

all because of what I see in your eyes.

What's the story?
"Well, it's all very interesting really. You see, it's like this..."

I really don't want to end things this way...really really really.
reallY. Word vomit 101:

This is everything and yet nothing at all...Beautiful isn't it?