Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Don't let it Win...

We've all heard the anecdote about the little boy who was told by his mother to not touch the fire because it would burn him, and despite the warning touches the fire anyways and gets burned.

Why do people do this? It's because pain is a growning experience.

We know it's wrong, we know their are consequences but we do it anyway, because for some reason we can't just accept a, "Don't touch the fire it'll burn you." We have to experience the heat for ourselves, we have to feel the pain...see the blister, and then even though we know it'll leave a scare if we pick at the blister we do it anyway...because we need that reminder of the pain we went through so we won't make the same mistake again.

Sometimes we let the pain beat us, we let it change us. We let what happened take over our lives and we try so hard to avoid that pain that we forget who we are, we forget the people we care about, and we forget how to live... Instead of growing, and learning from the experience, we let the pain become a block, an obstacle... Fight it

"Why do we fall? So that we can pick ourselves back up..."

Friday, December 16, 2005

It was a Friday Night and I was restless...

I want to punch something...Infact, I want to do more than just punch something. That's just the beginning of the list of stupid things I want to do just...because it's stupid.

I want to do something so incredibly idiotic that there is no going back...I want to scream, and....steal my parents car to take on a joy ride. I wanna...go to a rave and O.D. on Ecstacy. I want to get wasted and, and punch something or someone in the middle of a drunken rage, though that'll never happen because I'd probably be a cheerful drunk....I'm tired of pretending that everything is okay with my life, that everything is perfect. I want to yell out to the world that I'm not the person they think I am...I want to rip off this label, tear down this facade, break this porclein skinned mask of who everyone thinks I am and just...live a reckless and stupid life...

I can't do any of these things however...because I'll be letting down those close to me...Does it seem to anyone else that it's always the ones you care for, and love the most end up being the ones you hurt the most? I can't just....leave all of you. Because that's what I'll be doing if I choose that kind of life. I will always be there for you guys. When I help out a friend, or do something good like make you laugh or just be there for you to have a shoulder to cry on....that makes my day. It's the little ray of hope I have in the turmoil I've been going through. You, my friends, are what keep me going. You, my family, are what keep me from the edge, from the bleak existance that waits before me if I drop my guard.

I hate myself sometimes, I can't even stand looking at my reflection because of the lie I see there, but I do, everyday I look in the mirror and tell myself to suck it up, there are other people out there in this world going through more crap than you ever could have, and you're letting this control your life? Yeah, you went through some bad shit as a child, but that gives you no excuse to be such a hypocrite...and it shouldn't be this way...it shouldn't, because I'm stronger than this But it, sadly, is the way it is.

Everyone has there bad days right? Don't let this get me down right? How can I not let this get me down when I have no idea who me really is? I've come too close to ruining one of the most important friendships I've ever had in my life, because of the way I am. I push people away when I want them to be close... I let people know so little about me, because I'm scared that when they find out who I am, when they find out how much of a hypocrite I am, they will leave me...to face the harsh reality of the world and take care of myself, alone...I'm taking a huge risk posting this blog...but please don't hate me I need you...No matter what I say, or how emphatically I say it...please please don't abandon me.

I refuse to give up, I'm a fighter damnit...but I'm not strong enough to fight it alone

Saturday, December 10, 2005


Okay...now let us analyse why it was so goo...(because if I didn't Mr. Rich wouldn't give me credit for my blogs :D)

Okay I do have to admit, I am very biased when it comes to this movie, like I would have liked it even if it had sucked because first of all I love the books and because the idea of Narnia is so cool man!...honestly who wouldn't want to find a magical world inside their own closet? (this is the part when the little kid inside of you jumps up and down saying, "oh me! I would! yay!") And C.S. Lewis tapped right into that child inside all of us when he wrote these books.

The story of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe is that of Forgiveness through Sacrific, as demonstrated in one scene that is a not too subtle "rip-off" of the Crucifixtion of Jesus Christ (I'm going to hell for that one...). However This is not the only reference to Jesus, God, or Satan in the story. The entire book/movie is knee deep in Christian Mythology. One striking example is when Jadis, the Ice Queen of Narnia, claims Edmund's life is forfeit and belongs to her because of the Treachery he has commited, an allusion to Satan's claim on the souls of sinners after death without the intervention of God. Through Aslan's self sacrific in the afore mentioned "Crucifixtion Scene" Edmund's sin of betrayal was expunged, and he is permitted to live.

The movie, while stayed very very true to the origional story line of the book, still took a few liberties and changed a lot of the motivation for the characters. For instance, in the book Peter, Lucy, and Susan are all "gung-ho!" for going and saving the land of Narnia without, it seems, a second thought as to what the repercussions might be. Which doesn't make that much sense considering that the whole story takes place while England is in the middle of World War II...you'd think that they would be a tad more, I don't know, weary of trouble/battle/odd countries in old professor's wardrobes? The movie does a better job at expressing the concern that Peter, Lucy, and Susan have for the fact that there seems to be a magical country that defies all logic in their new guardian's wardrobe, and their urgency to find their missing brother, Edmund.

Another change they made that I was very happy for was that the battle scene took place in the daylight, which, I'll admit, did detract from the believability of the Computer Graphics, but was a refreshing contrast from most other epic battle sequences. The Soundtrack was amazing, and definetly did it's job in caprturing the emotions of the specific scene as well as manipulating your own (I was nearly brought to tears at one point in the film just because of the music alone). The Cinematography was both enriching and disapointing. It was very basic, but tastefully done, except for the random shots that I like to call, "Odes to Lord of the Rings" during the battle sequence.

I was impressed with which new comers Georgie Henley (Lucy), Skandar Keynes (Edmund), Anna Popplewell (Susan), and the oddly attractive William Moseley (Peter) were able to portray the innocence with the quirky brittish charm that made this such a great children's movie. I admit I was severely disapointed when I learned that actor Brian Cox was not going to be doing to voice of Aslan but, rather, Liam Neeson. I wasn't let down, Aslan was still as Majestic as ever.

The thing that really sort of...chaped me the most, was that all of the children seemed so...inept with their weapons. Lucy is what 6 years old? She shouldn't have been given a weapon anyway. Susan had the "I'm cool 'cause I have a bow and arrow." attitude, and both Peter and Edmund just seemed really awkward with their swords...They all seemed really awkward. What I'm saying is if you can't use them, don't try. Or at least rehearse more until you feel comfortable holding them.

Okay now I'm rambling...To make a long essay short (too late for that) The movie was great, the acting was great, the story is great, Aslan is my hero, William Moseley is attractive (even though he can't carry a sword), and God bless C.S. Lewis! I'd give this movie four and a half stars out of five, and I highly recommend that everyone watch it.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Just Tell Me Lies...

I took a chance it was a mistake

I made the choice it wasn't worth it

No matter what anybody tells me.....It was all my fault