Thursday, April 12, 2007

Dear God, give me the strength...

I've broken down about three times just this past week.

I'm so lost right now. I'm... very confused about most things, but at the same time very sure of a few.

The Few and Inseparable Many:
- I don't miss anybody from last year, except for maybe Sousa and Cameron Bench, even then man... not as much as I would have thought.
- I'm the world's worst friend.
- I suck as a leader.
- Congratulations Chase, you got what you wanted: I'm failing as President.
- Nothing makes me as happy as I was when fencing was the most important thing in my life.
- Andrew Cerv, Lisa Aston, Michelle Dowdle, Brett Merkeley, Scott Robinson. I'm effing lucky to have you, but there is no chance in hell that I deserve your friendship (especially Brett's after all the shit I've put him through)
- I cheated. cheated cheated cheated. On an amazing guy with someone who made me miserable what the fuck was I thinking?
- I'm a procrastinator and a fake.
- I don't care anymore, I've forgotten what caring for something feels like.
- It's hard to laugh.
- I don't know who I am any more. I'm too much of a social cameleon.
- Nathan, my little brother. I miss him so much.

I'm so emotionally stressed.
so.
stressed.

To-Do-List:
1. Get My Shit Together

2 comments:

The Asian Sensation said...

I don't miss people as much as I thought I would either. Its sad but true.

I'm so behind in your life. Perhaps that makes ME the worlds worst friend. Trust me. You are not that. You have given me sound advice on several occasions. You have been a great listening ear when I needed one. And you have forgiven me countless times.
You call me if you want to talk eh?

Danelle said...

I agree with Tasha, I second her motion. you give great advise and your a great friend.
Chase can go screw a cow because you NEVER failed me as Preident.
You've helped me in so many ways. And you've saved my life in more than one way. I LOVE YOU JESSY!!!!
If you ever need some advise (to the best of my abilities), some oine to talk to or just a shoulder to cry on Im there for you I'll drop what im doing and come to your rescue buddie.