My Nerd Crush...

In my home we really only keep our television on one of three stations: The Discovery Channel, The Travel Channel and The History Channel. Occaisionally we will watch Comedy Central for the Daily Show or the Colbert Report, and Fox for House, but basically it's just those stations that dominate our "family-mindless-entertainment-time." So, imagine my surprise when coming home from school I turn on the boob-tube to see Spike TV displayed proudly on the screen.

Now, times my surprise by 10 then throw in a dash of societal shame when Star Trek: Voyager ended up being the day time television show on at 2:00 p.m. weekdays. I hadn't seen an episode of Star Trek since I was about 10 years old, so watching it sent me spiralling back to my childhood. One filled with memories of my mother's nerdy friends watching Star Trek in our living room, Star Wars and Lord of the Rings Conventions and Next Generation Action Figures (I think we still have Data... I gotta find him). I only have one thing to say about it: It was.. AWESOME!

Fuck societal shame man, Star Trek was/is cool! It's so... cheesy and action-packed, the logic they use to get out of any kind of cosmic anomoly or social peculiarity is both irrefutable and filled with plot/loop holes that a truck (or in this case a starfleet ship) could drive (fly) through.

Yet, I couldn't pull away.

...I think I've found my guilty pleasure...

Aint That the Truth...

ssslloooowwpoookee....

I'm so physically exhausted right now.

My legs kill.

My left arm hurts.

my feet are sore.

My brain feels like mush too.

... but I'm happy.

Gabe...

You got sent to the other side of the nation to sort your life out.

But, all you've done is successfully fucked it up more.

Stop drinking.

Stop doing drugs. you're never going to be able to pas drug history if you want to go into the marines

I miss you, you're better than this.
You're smart, you're better than this.

But, whatever.

It's not my life you're screwing up, but I swear to God if you get Lisa hurt in anyway I will make you pay.

Dear God, give me the strength...

I've broken down about three times just this past week.

I'm so lost right now. I'm... very confused about most things, but at the same time very sure of a few.

The Few and Inseparable Many:
- I don't miss anybody from last year, except for maybe Sousa and Cameron Bench, even then man... not as much as I would have thought.
- I'm the world's worst friend.
- I suck as a leader.
- Congratulations Chase, you got what you wanted: I'm failing as President.
- Nothing makes me as happy as I was when fencing was the most important thing in my life.
- Andrew Cerv, Lisa Aston, Michelle Dowdle, Brett Merkeley, Scott Robinson. I'm effing lucky to have you, but there is no chance in hell that I deserve your friendship (especially Brett's after all the shit I've put him through)
- I cheated. cheated cheated cheated. On an amazing guy with someone who made me miserable what the fuck was I thinking?
- I'm a procrastinator and a fake.
- I don't care anymore, I've forgotten what caring for something feels like.
- It's hard to laugh.
- I don't know who I am any more. I'm too much of a social cameleon.
- Nathan, my little brother. I miss him so much.

I'm so emotionally stressed.
so.
stressed.

To-Do-List:
1. Get My Shit Together

Today...

I realised something.
it's a secret

Me and Family members...Being Awesome...

Good For The Soul

Cup of Tea...Graduation

Relaxation

Life-sigh-life, life life.