Thursday, January 12, 2006

Ch-ch-ch changes...

I Think I Can, I Think I Can...

This has been the constant mantra I keep replaying in my mind. Just this one last hump to get over, and then everything will be fine. Change is a scary thing. Humans are creatures of habit. We need a routine, and whenever that routine is interrupted it takes time to deal with the change and adjust how we live to fit that change into our life. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's hard it just depends on what the change is...

Everybody deals with stress differently. Some people go running, or paritcupate in a sport of some kind to channel their stress into something physical. Other people do artsy things, whether that be visual artistry like painting or drawing. Some do literature, like poetry, or write a story. I know people who do theatrical things, I am one of those people. The ability to deal with your emotions in a positive way is the best way to handle stress. There are also other's who deal with stress in self-destructive, and negative ways. i.e. cutting, anorexia, drug and alcohol abuse, and these usually occur when the person has no other way to contol what goes on in their life, or no positive way to deal with change... It makes me wonder what will happen when my outlet gets a short circuit. What will I do when it just stops helping?

What do I do then, what should I do then?

Do I stick it out and see if it'll pass? Do I find a new outlet, or do I give up and just run away from all the stress?

...I've been tempted, sorely tempted, but I don't respect people who just give up on their problems and run away. I wouldn't be able to live with myself it I new that i just left behind problems that, given enough time, I could fix. So that rules out the second choice. And I can't just leave what I've devoted so much time, and invested so much of myself into now... so that just leaves option three. There's just one problem...

A friend of mine posted a blog that really made me think about what gets me through rough times in my life. He said, " If something terribly bad happed to you, what parts of yourself would you want to save? What parts would you let go down with the ship?" After...much consideration and thought I decided that it's my sense of humor, ability to love unconditionally, and my strong will. I'm afraid that I've shut down though, and maybe that's why I have been unable to cope with the major change that might happen...

Might happen... I'm so confused. I can't say what it is... I can't, I don't want people to know. Only the ones close to me know, only persons I trust know. In a nutshell...a huge decision is being made that directly involves me and my family. What's stressing me out is that the decision keeps changing. One minute I think that my whole life will be flipped upside down, the next it seems like we'll always be here....I don't understand please just make up your mind!

2 comments:

Alex Iskandar said...

Changes will always be a constant in our lives, Jessy. There is very little we can do ... it happens everyday as we grow. Stay true to yourself, keep a vision of who you want yourself to be and you'll get there. HUGS!

shamae said...

Crack is whack. Just know that.

I know how you feel.
I hate it when people say that. ...But I do. I mean, we both know stuff Shamae does. Why else would she, though? Let's end this 3rd person talking now, hmm?
I know you have a full list of other people that are more qualified to talk you through this and to be there for you. Last resort, just know that I've been through this feeling. I'm GOING through it.
I'm sure the most do is tell you what I did in the situation. How I reacted. And tell you that things are forced to get better or worse in the future, it won't stay the same, so suck it up and do what you KNOW is best.

Don't rush things, Jessamyn. If you honestly can't make up your mind, wait until you do. If you ever listen to anything I say, let it be that.